The very first time I was challenged to love and accept my body, instead of believing I could and should change it, was in college. I was a freshman and a female chaplain who was sitting with me at lunch told me that a book she was reading recommended standing in front of a mirror and finding something to love about every part of you and thanking God for that part.
The idea of doing this was so painful that even now, eleven years later, I have been unable to do it. I change in dressing rooms facing away from the mirror. I wear my hair down as often as possible to hide my "fat back". I am constantly adjusting my waist band so that the little pinch of fat around my belly is smoothed out. Each morning I leave the house feeling mostly ok, only to find that by midday life has gotten away from me and that my glance at myself in the bathroom reveals a chubby (read: unacceptable) woman with no control over her life.
I have decided that this is not going to be how I feel forever. And I do not mean that I will continue to try to lose weight. I will fix the the fact that I immediately find myself lacking by being abundant. I will fix the fact that I do not believe I am worthy of love.
Come with me.
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